Let me tell you a little about myself.
From the fourth grade to my junior year of high school I wanted to be an architect. Not just any architect, I aspired of being the next Franklin Lloyd Wright who would go on to have a state of the art building erected in Dubai—the capital of state-of-the-art-ness. When my CAD teacher killed my love for architecture, I decided I would become a feature film director who would make Spielberg and Lucas look like amateur YouTubers. With those plans I saw both fame and fortune in my future, and lots of it. I grew up with the love for cars and knew that one day I would have a collection of exotic automobiles each with their own cozy place to sleep at night in the five car garage of the 10,000 square foot Tuscan style home I would one day design. I split the cars into two categories. One of my must-haves, and one called "that-might-be-nice-someday" as new pieces of machinery were unveiled. The ones guaranteed a spot in my automobile stable were a Lamborghini Murcielago, a Ferrari F430, an Aston Martin DB9, a Porsche 911 GT3, and a Mercedes Mclaren. I did the math to spare you some time; that would be next to a million dollars of Italian, British, and German made metal sitting in my garage at all times.
I knew my plans would be hard to rationalize being one who called himself a Christian. Fortunately, I am pretty good at justifying things. Of course, I would tithe the required ten percent; maybe even twenty when I was feeling generous. I decided that I could use my cars to impact God's Kingdom by building one of my cars into a weekend getaway for two package being sold at a fundraising auction. Surely people would spend a decent amount of money to own a $250,000 Lamborghini for the weekend, right? When they did it would make everybody happy. They would get to experience the thrill of a lifetime for an entire weekend, the fundraisers would earn more money, my heart would be overflowing with joy seeing the good my car did, and God would be pleased to see me using my possessions for His glory. The house I would use for various church functions like a weekly Bible study, baptisms—since I would have a wicked nice pool, and other midweek get-togethers.
Then this hot little number came along—now my wife—and ever so gently told me that my plans were stupid and a waste. As you can imagine, I did not take kindly to the great deal of wisdom she offered me, but I eventually—maybe stubbornly is a better suiting word—came to realize she was right. She and God worked together and began to change the field of view of my heart and my desires from me to others. Don't be fooled into thinking it was an overnight process, or that it has even been fully accomplished.
My goals have changed significantly. I don't want any exotic cars, I'll never need a 10,000 square foot house. I want to be living on less than half of my income as soon as possible and continue to live on less as time goes by. At some point if I am called to, I would love to start a non-profit though doing what I have no idea. I don't want to be an architect or a director, but a clinical psychologist because I want to walk with others in their struggles and cries. I know I'm using 'I' here a lot, but don't worry, my wife is in the know and on board with these dreams.
However, my natural tendency is still to think about myself. Those closest people to me hear my list of wants and know that it is far too long. I am bent toward materialism because I find fascination in gadgets, technology, fashion, and the like. I even asked my wife recently if I could buy a Ferrari if we were to get to a place of giving ninety percent of our income away and could still afford it. Though she has no desire to own a Ferrari, she thought it a reasonable request and said yes. Sooner than later I would like to own a house that Danika and I work with an architect to design on a few acres, and drive an Audi or BMW, nothing too fancy but still on the upscale side of things.
After the Justice Conference this weekend and examining all the problems going on, I don't know that I even want those things anymore. I listened to Francis Chan speak about how much better it is, truly, to give rather than receive, how he made millions off of his books and proceeded to give it all away, and how people say its good to save money for emergencies if the only qualification of an emergency is that it happens to them and their family. If we do get to a place where we are giving ninety percent of our income away, I don't want a Ferrari. How could I honestly justify driving one of those knowing a little boy is going without food, or a father just had to sell his daughter to be raped so he could provide for his family. I used to be able to justify it. Before going to the Justice Conference, I probably could have, but not anymore.
Thankfully, Danika helps me turn that list of wants I mentioned earlier into a much shorter list of things I actually need. Through her continuous help and challenging, I continue to want less and less, my heart is continually being changed, and I desire more and more to spend my money on others rather than myself.
Don't read this and be proud of me. Don't compliment me for how my goals have changed so drastically. I'm not writing this to be praised and it isn't me doing the changing in my heart. Rather, join me by examining your heart, your goals, and your possessions.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. -James 1:27
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Marital Math Problem
I'm not very good at math. Though I have a lot of head knowledge about marriage and what it takes to succeed in it, I do not yet have the practical experience to back it up; that begins this August—and I can't wait! What this says however, is that if I can see this problem anyone should be able to. Yet it is one that seems to be disregarded over and over in the pursuit of happiness, also known as the American dream.
The problem is this: The increase in age difference between the onset of puberty and marriage over the course of history.
We wonder why there are no rules for dating found in the Bible. It's simply because dating did not exist. People waited an average of two years from the time they started thinking about sex to getting married; completely doable. Nowadays in America, people are waiting between 15 and 17 years until they settle down. You know how it goes: Graduate from college, get a job, make your first million and then think about a spouse. If you do it any other way, you are questioned at best, but more often ridiculed and deemed a failure, whether now or in the near future.
From the secular point of view, this problem isn't really a problem. A solution was quickly thought of anyway. That being have sex all you want while finding success in school and career, then settle down later. For Christians who are waiting for marriage to have sex, that solution cannot be part of the equation. So they have to do as they are told and wait SEVENTEEN YEARS before having sex!? Then they are judged harshly if they don't make it. What gives?
Now I am not saying we should give up on the biblical doctrine that says to save sex for marriage. I firmly believe in that and the reasons behind it. I am arguing that we need to reevaluate our ideas on the appropriate age for getting married. Sure, it could be considered 'safer' if you have a degree and are settling down in a career before the thought of marriage, but honestly what is the point? Bad things can still happen. There are plenty of married couples who followed American ideals of getting married that are currently facing financial hardships, affairs, and the like. The fact is, regardless of if or when you decide to get married it will never be easy, and there will always be hardships to overcome. My thought is, why face them alone? What is wrong with wanting to have someone to struggle with and to grow with? By the time you settle into a career and are financially stable—generally speaking—you have already spent close to half of your life, and done so alone.
It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to wait a few years before having sex. Asking someone to wait seventeen years is simply outrageous. Christians, do not set your children up for failure by instilling in them that they have to wait to get married. Do not remove yourself from the picture if your children decide to get married young. Frankly, that is just stupid. In the time your kids need you most, be there for them. Build the trust that makes them want to listen to you and ask for your opinion. In turn you are provided the opportunity to offer wisdom as they move forward in one of the biggest decisions of their lives.
On the flip-side, if you are nearing the end of your teen years or are in early adulthood, do not go looking to get married just to have sex. There is far more to having a successful marriage than that. If sex is your only reason behind wanting to get married, you aren't ready yet.
I know I am not alone in this problem. I have heard many pastors and even professors (those really smart people with PhD's) talk to this very issue. The fact is, it's a growing issue and will continue to grow if the church—that is, the people of—does not stand up and make a change.
The problem is this: The increase in age difference between the onset of puberty and marriage over the course of history.
We wonder why there are no rules for dating found in the Bible. It's simply because dating did not exist. People waited an average of two years from the time they started thinking about sex to getting married; completely doable. Nowadays in America, people are waiting between 15 and 17 years until they settle down. You know how it goes: Graduate from college, get a job, make your first million and then think about a spouse. If you do it any other way, you are questioned at best, but more often ridiculed and deemed a failure, whether now or in the near future.
From the secular point of view, this problem isn't really a problem. A solution was quickly thought of anyway. That being have sex all you want while finding success in school and career, then settle down later. For Christians who are waiting for marriage to have sex, that solution cannot be part of the equation. So they have to do as they are told and wait SEVENTEEN YEARS before having sex!? Then they are judged harshly if they don't make it. What gives?
Now I am not saying we should give up on the biblical doctrine that says to save sex for marriage. I firmly believe in that and the reasons behind it. I am arguing that we need to reevaluate our ideas on the appropriate age for getting married. Sure, it could be considered 'safer' if you have a degree and are settling down in a career before the thought of marriage, but honestly what is the point? Bad things can still happen. There are plenty of married couples who followed American ideals of getting married that are currently facing financial hardships, affairs, and the like. The fact is, regardless of if or when you decide to get married it will never be easy, and there will always be hardships to overcome. My thought is, why face them alone? What is wrong with wanting to have someone to struggle with and to grow with? By the time you settle into a career and are financially stable—generally speaking—you have already spent close to half of your life, and done so alone.
It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to wait a few years before having sex. Asking someone to wait seventeen years is simply outrageous. Christians, do not set your children up for failure by instilling in them that they have to wait to get married. Do not remove yourself from the picture if your children decide to get married young. Frankly, that is just stupid. In the time your kids need you most, be there for them. Build the trust that makes them want to listen to you and ask for your opinion. In turn you are provided the opportunity to offer wisdom as they move forward in one of the biggest decisions of their lives.
On the flip-side, if you are nearing the end of your teen years or are in early adulthood, do not go looking to get married just to have sex. There is far more to having a successful marriage than that. If sex is your only reason behind wanting to get married, you aren't ready yet.
I know I am not alone in this problem. I have heard many pastors and even professors (those really smart people with PhD's) talk to this very issue. The fact is, it's a growing issue and will continue to grow if the church—that is, the people of—does not stand up and make a change.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Talk About Shivers
This semester I am working as an intern, as part of my psychology degree, at an assisted living facility called Friendsview. There, I get the opportunity to work with, and have my heart expanded for, the elderly; something God has been hard at work on in my life.
Part of my responsibilities at Friendsview is to assist in leading Friendship Circle. It's a time every Tuesday where we gather residents who suffer from dementia to sing hymns, converse about a topic (Instruments, childhood stories, past careers, and the like), sing a couple more hymns and close in prayer. Nothing major, just a half hour segment of interaction between residents and caregivers.
This week however, it was incredible; that's an understatement.
The topic was favorite Bible verse or Bible story, and it turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. The gal I was co-leading with read the first verse in Psalm 23 to initiate the conversation.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
What happened next was completely unexpected. Each of the residents—laden with various forms of dementia, and living the final chapter of their lives—began to recite the passage from memory. One continued...
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
Another picked it up:
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
Two more followed in unison—
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
And it continued to resound through the group...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD...
All of them ended the passage together:
...forever.
Amen
That moment sent shivers down my spine and my eyes welled up with tears; again as I recall it. The same for my co-leader, and my supervisor. Past that, I cannot adequately explain how filled that time was with God's presence. Just as quietly as it began, it came to pass.
Part of my responsibilities at Friendsview is to assist in leading Friendship Circle. It's a time every Tuesday where we gather residents who suffer from dementia to sing hymns, converse about a topic (Instruments, childhood stories, past careers, and the like), sing a couple more hymns and close in prayer. Nothing major, just a half hour segment of interaction between residents and caregivers.
This week however, it was incredible; that's an understatement.
The topic was favorite Bible verse or Bible story, and it turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. The gal I was co-leading with read the first verse in Psalm 23 to initiate the conversation.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
What happened next was completely unexpected. Each of the residents—laden with various forms of dementia, and living the final chapter of their lives—began to recite the passage from memory. One continued...
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
Another picked it up:
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
Two more followed in unison—
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
And it continued to resound through the group...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD...
All of them ended the passage together:
...forever.
Amen
That moment sent shivers down my spine and my eyes welled up with tears; again as I recall it. The same for my co-leader, and my supervisor. Past that, I cannot adequately explain how filled that time was with God's presence. Just as quietly as it began, it came to pass.
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