Marital Math Problem

I'm not very good at math.  Though I have a lot of head knowledge about marriage and what it takes to succeed in it, I do not yet have the practical experience to back it up; that begins this August—and I can't wait!  What this says however, is that if I can see this problem anyone should be able to.  Yet it is one that seems to be disregarded over and over in the pursuit of happiness, also known as the American dream.

The problem is this: The increase in age difference between the onset of puberty and marriage over the course of history.

We wonder why there are no rules for dating found in the Bible.  It's simply because dating did not exist.  People waited an average of two years from the time they started thinking about sex to getting married; completely doable.  Nowadays in America, people are waiting between 15 and 17 years until they settle down.  You know how it goes: Graduate from college, get a job, make your first million and then think about a spouse.  If you do it any other way, you are questioned at best, but more often ridiculed and deemed a failure, whether now or in the near future.

From the secular point of view, this problem isn't really a problem.  A solution was quickly thought of anyway.  That being have sex all you want while finding success in school and career, then settle down later.  For Christians who are waiting for marriage to have sex, that solution cannot be part of the equation.  So they have to do as they are told and wait SEVENTEEN YEARS before having sex!?  Then they are judged harshly if they don't make it.  What gives?

Now I am not saying we should give up on the biblical doctrine that says to save sex for marriage.  I firmly believe in that and the reasons behind it.  I am arguing that we need to reevaluate our ideas on the appropriate age for getting married.  Sure, it could be considered 'safer' if you have a degree and are settling down in a career before the thought of marriage, but honestly what is the point?  Bad things can still happen.  There are plenty of married couples who followed American ideals of getting married that are currently facing financial hardships, affairs, and the like.  The fact is, regardless of if or when you decide to get married it will never be easy, and there will always be hardships to overcome.  My thought is, why face them alone?  What is wrong with wanting to have someone to struggle with and to grow with?  By the time you settle into a career and are financially stable—generally speaking—you have already spent close to half of your life, and done so alone.

It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to wait a few years before having sex.  Asking someone to wait seventeen years is simply outrageous.  Christians, do not set your children up for failure by instilling in them that they have to wait to get married.  Do not remove yourself from the picture if your children decide to get married young.  Frankly, that is just stupid.  In the time your kids need you most, be there for them.  Build the trust that makes them want to listen to you and ask for your opinion.  In turn you are provided the opportunity to offer wisdom as they move forward in one of the biggest decisions of their lives.

On the flip-side, if you are nearing the end of your teen years or are in early adulthood, do not go looking to get married just to have sex.  There is far more to having a successful marriage than that.  If sex is your only reason behind wanting to get married, you aren't ready yet.

I know I am not alone in this problem.  I have heard many pastors and even professors (those really smart people with PhD's) talk to this very issue.  The fact is, it's a growing issue and will continue to grow if the church—that is, the people of—does not stand up and make a change.