I'm not very good at math. Though I have a lot of head knowledge about marriage and what it takes to succeed in it, I do not yet have the practical experience to back it up; that begins this August—and I can't wait! What this says however, is that if I can see this problem anyone should be able to. Yet it is one that seems to be disregarded over and over in the pursuit of happiness, also known as the American dream.
The problem is this: The increase in age difference between the onset of puberty and marriage over the course of history.
We wonder why there are no rules for dating found in the Bible. It's simply because dating did not exist. People waited an average of two years from the time they started thinking about sex to getting married; completely doable. Nowadays in America, people are waiting between 15 and 17 years until they settle down. You know how it goes: Graduate from college, get a job, make your first million and then think about a spouse. If you do it any other way, you are questioned at best, but more often ridiculed and deemed a failure, whether now or in the near future.
From the secular point of view, this problem isn't really a problem. A solution was quickly thought of anyway. That being have sex all you want while finding success in school and career, then settle down later. For Christians who are waiting for marriage to have sex, that solution cannot be part of the equation. So they have to do as they are told and wait SEVENTEEN YEARS before having sex!? Then they are judged harshly if they don't make it. What gives?
Now I am not saying we should give up on the biblical doctrine that says to save sex for marriage. I firmly believe in that and the reasons behind it. I am arguing that we need to reevaluate our ideas on the appropriate age for getting married. Sure, it could be considered 'safer' if you have a degree and are settling down in a career before the thought of marriage, but honestly what is the point? Bad things can still happen. There are plenty of married couples who followed American ideals of getting married that are currently facing financial hardships, affairs, and the like. The fact is, regardless of if or when you decide to get married it will never be easy, and there will always be hardships to overcome. My thought is, why face them alone? What is wrong with wanting to have someone to struggle with and to grow with? By the time you settle into a career and are financially stable—generally speaking—you have already spent close to half of your life, and done so alone.
It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to wait a few years before having sex. Asking someone to wait seventeen years is simply outrageous. Christians, do not set your children up for failure by instilling in them that they have to wait to get married. Do not remove yourself from the picture if your children decide to get married young. Frankly, that is just stupid. In the time your kids need you most, be there for them. Build the trust that makes them want to listen to you and ask for your opinion. In turn you are provided the opportunity to offer wisdom as they move forward in one of the biggest decisions of their lives.
On the flip-side, if you are nearing the end of your teen years or are in early adulthood, do not go looking to get married just to have sex. There is far more to having a successful marriage than that. If sex is your only reason behind wanting to get married, you aren't ready yet.
I know I am not alone in this problem. I have heard many pastors and even professors (those really smart people with PhD's) talk to this very issue. The fact is, it's a growing issue and will continue to grow if the church—that is, the people of—does not stand up and make a change.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Talk About Shivers
This semester I am working as an intern, as part of my psychology degree, at an assisted living facility called Friendsview. There, I get the opportunity to work with, and have my heart expanded for, the elderly; something God has been hard at work on in my life.
Part of my responsibilities at Friendsview is to assist in leading Friendship Circle. It's a time every Tuesday where we gather residents who suffer from dementia to sing hymns, converse about a topic (Instruments, childhood stories, past careers, and the like), sing a couple more hymns and close in prayer. Nothing major, just a half hour segment of interaction between residents and caregivers.
This week however, it was incredible; that's an understatement.
The topic was favorite Bible verse or Bible story, and it turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. The gal I was co-leading with read the first verse in Psalm 23 to initiate the conversation.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
What happened next was completely unexpected. Each of the residents—laden with various forms of dementia, and living the final chapter of their lives—began to recite the passage from memory. One continued...
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
Another picked it up:
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
Two more followed in unison—
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
And it continued to resound through the group...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD...
All of them ended the passage together:
...forever.
Amen
That moment sent shivers down my spine and my eyes welled up with tears; again as I recall it. The same for my co-leader, and my supervisor. Past that, I cannot adequately explain how filled that time was with God's presence. Just as quietly as it began, it came to pass.
Part of my responsibilities at Friendsview is to assist in leading Friendship Circle. It's a time every Tuesday where we gather residents who suffer from dementia to sing hymns, converse about a topic (Instruments, childhood stories, past careers, and the like), sing a couple more hymns and close in prayer. Nothing major, just a half hour segment of interaction between residents and caregivers.
This week however, it was incredible; that's an understatement.
The topic was favorite Bible verse or Bible story, and it turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. The gal I was co-leading with read the first verse in Psalm 23 to initiate the conversation.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
What happened next was completely unexpected. Each of the residents—laden with various forms of dementia, and living the final chapter of their lives—began to recite the passage from memory. One continued...
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
Another picked it up:
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
Two more followed in unison—
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
And it continued to resound through the group...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you annoint my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD...
All of them ended the passage together:
...forever.
Amen
That moment sent shivers down my spine and my eyes welled up with tears; again as I recall it. The same for my co-leader, and my supervisor. Past that, I cannot adequately explain how filled that time was with God's presence. Just as quietly as it began, it came to pass.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Calculated Risk
This one was inspired by a conversation I had with my roommate, David earlier this morning. He and I have been blessed with opportunities to do some bucket-list-worthy things in our lives, none of which have come to pass without the opposition from someone or something. We laughed over how we both have heard the same sort of things from people: "don't do that, it's too dangerous," or "that is not a safe country to visit," and less often "that's just stupid." Then we both agreed that we would rather die, living than die wishing we did more.
It is true that there are plenty of dumb things that people have done either in the name of adrenaline or of faith. Generally, those things involve unnecessary risk or simply an unhealthy dose of sheer stupidity. However, in order to live life we have to be comfortable with taking some risks; calculated risks. That goes for school, business, and commuting just as much as travel, adventure, or extreme sports. When David or I set out to travel, harness up, tighten our boots, or pack our backpacks we prepare for as much as we can, but recognize that we cannot prepare for everything. And that's okay, because to us experiencing the culture of another people, the thrill of climbing the face of a cliff, or the beauty of God's creation, is worth the chance that it could be our last experience. That doesn't mean we don't do everything in our power to assure that we come home safely.
The reality is, there is just as much risk at home as there is away from home. The only major difference is the level of comfort we have with our surroundings. When living in Costa Rica, I was told to watch out for people trying to pick my pocket or snatch my bag, because I and the other Americans were more of a target than the locals. But the same risk is present when I am in downtown Portland, or Seattle, or any city for that matter. It's just a good idea to be on your guard, and play it smart no matter where you are. By doing so, you eliminate a decent amount of the risk involved; never can you eliminate all of it.
David told me a story from one of his friends who was a missionary kid in Africa for a number of years. I guess safety was a main concern for the missionary families who lived over there, though his friend was one of the lucky ones whose parents allotted more freedoms than the others. The mother of one of the families had all she could take living in fear of potential danger, namely poisonous snakes that she took her family back to the States, where they could be safe. A short time after settling into a home in Arizona, their boy crawled under their porch and got bit by a poisonous snake. As his father got him in the car and was backing out of the driveway he ran into his daughter, but in his panic did not realize it until later that day when he found her dead. The boy didn't make it either. Three weeks later the mother died because of the grief she faced.
We have just as good of a chance of encountering death here at home as we do on a journey. Since that is the case, I would much rather risk death while on a journey and making the most of my life than to die living in fear, trying to protect myself with a false sense of security. I encourage you to do the same.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. —Abraham Lincoln
It is true that there are plenty of dumb things that people have done either in the name of adrenaline or of faith. Generally, those things involve unnecessary risk or simply an unhealthy dose of sheer stupidity. However, in order to live life we have to be comfortable with taking some risks; calculated risks. That goes for school, business, and commuting just as much as travel, adventure, or extreme sports. When David or I set out to travel, harness up, tighten our boots, or pack our backpacks we prepare for as much as we can, but recognize that we cannot prepare for everything. And that's okay, because to us experiencing the culture of another people, the thrill of climbing the face of a cliff, or the beauty of God's creation, is worth the chance that it could be our last experience. That doesn't mean we don't do everything in our power to assure that we come home safely.
The reality is, there is just as much risk at home as there is away from home. The only major difference is the level of comfort we have with our surroundings. When living in Costa Rica, I was told to watch out for people trying to pick my pocket or snatch my bag, because I and the other Americans were more of a target than the locals. But the same risk is present when I am in downtown Portland, or Seattle, or any city for that matter. It's just a good idea to be on your guard, and play it smart no matter where you are. By doing so, you eliminate a decent amount of the risk involved; never can you eliminate all of it.
David told me a story from one of his friends who was a missionary kid in Africa for a number of years. I guess safety was a main concern for the missionary families who lived over there, though his friend was one of the lucky ones whose parents allotted more freedoms than the others. The mother of one of the families had all she could take living in fear of potential danger, namely poisonous snakes that she took her family back to the States, where they could be safe. A short time after settling into a home in Arizona, their boy crawled under their porch and got bit by a poisonous snake. As his father got him in the car and was backing out of the driveway he ran into his daughter, but in his panic did not realize it until later that day when he found her dead. The boy didn't make it either. Three weeks later the mother died because of the grief she faced.
We have just as good of a chance of encountering death here at home as we do on a journey. Since that is the case, I would much rather risk death while on a journey and making the most of my life than to die living in fear, trying to protect myself with a false sense of security. I encourage you to do the same.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. —Abraham Lincoln
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