If I Could...

Today in class we had to do an activity that required us to write five or so sentences about what we would do differently with our lives if we could live them over again.  At first, I was going to write down some cliché sentences as usual just to get it over with.  Then I stopped and thought for a minute about what I would really do if granted this opportunity.  Yes, one could argue that if I changed anything then things wouldn't be the same today, but if I were to re-live my life then I would not be privy to its current state.  So let's skip that debate.

I'm about to get transparent with you, which for me–and this is a moment of transparency in and of itself–is not easy.  I am and have been by nature the one who others confide in, meaning I haven't had much practice the other way around.  I feel as though I am too young to have this many regrets.  I won't get into the specifics of what they all are, but they're there.  Summed up I wish I would have dedicated my time to much more valuable things.  Like less time in front of the television and more time in front of a book, or less time improving my skills as a gamer and exercising my thumbs and more time playing soccer, learning an instrument, and making videos.

Another big area of regret is how I used my money.  I was never one to buy a lot of things, however the things I did by were the best of the best, fairly expensive, and in reality unnecessary.  And I was told multiple times by my extended family as a kid that I didn't know what it meant to save money, and they were right.  However, them telling me that didn't really make me want to save it, but instead continue to spend it.  I am not blaming them for how I handled my money; blaming others for your own actions is not a healthy way to live life.  I just wish I would have responded to their statement differently.  The one thing I don't regret in the financial sense is when I spent my money on others.  I honestly enjoy spending it on others than on myself and when I am provided with the opportunity to buy someone lunch or a cup of coffee, I will generally take it.

Now, you can refute all I am saying and return compliments instead as that seems to be the natural, human defense when we here someone criticizing themselves, but it won't change anything.  I know I didn't turn out too terrible of a kid, and I know I am going to be just fine financially.  But I know the way I spent my time, and I wish I spent it different.  Instead of continuing to dwell on what can't be changed, I am looking forward to what I do have control over, my future.  I am going to live it to its fullest.  I am going to make the most of the life I have left, and I want my money to be a bigger blessing to others than to myself.  I know I can't change the past, but I can conquer the demons of regret by the way I choose to live my future.